


We Need a Nap...

by Marchetta



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Humor, POV Third Person, Spoilers up to episode 121, but its just silly., it will definitely seem very dramatic at first, listen this is just nonsense, why do i only publish ff of cr that a super short and totally absurd?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28799658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marchetta/pseuds/Marchetta
Summary: Inspired by a a post I saw on tumblr about an excuse once used by the Vox MachinaAn alternative scene to when Lucien dispelled Caleb's tower
Comments: 5
Kudos: 73





	We Need a Nap...

In the desolate ice wastes of Eiselcross, a being that could scantly be called a humanoid anymore approached a void of snow that, for mere seconds, had once held a door. when he reached out his hand to knock on the inter-dimensional portal, his eyes held the gaze of eight others, his body and spirit reaching out with the arcane energy of thousands tethered to him from a distant realm. He had the arrogance of a man called Chosen One, the arrogance of a man who couldn't see he was nought but a foolish puppet. He expected the whole world to obey him or fall at his feet, even when he never voiced his commands to it. 

The air and snow before him shimmered, replaced by an arched window filled by the presence of a human man. 

'What?" Caleb snapped. Unseen behind him were his compatriots hidden by a hastily summoned curtain. The purpose was not to pretend t that his compatriots were not there, but to keep them hidden from view to help the lie he was to tell. Caleb was unsure of why this lie was the first to come to him so quickly, but he'd no time to question it and so had quickly shed his coat and his released his hair from its tie before opening the archway. He had needed to appear suitable ruffled.

The being, Lucien, continued to inspect the rift for a few moments more. Those who shared his gaze watched along in silence from a distance away, still circled round their fire. 

"I was just curious about where this strange portal led," he said, smirking coldly Caleb. Lucien felt that the human before him was obligated to invite him, to apologise, or to sheepishly, _obsequiously_ , guide himself and his friends back into the prime material realm. Instead, Caleb made no effort to hide the irritated clench of his jaw or the frustration in his sigh as he pulled his fingers through his hair- in fact, to show such annoyance to Lucien was rather the point.

" _This_ is our _home_ ," He said aggressively, "And we just wanted actual rooms for night so we can fuck each other in peace as opposed to lying in an open field of wet, cold snow under the gaze of nine voyeurs." 

At the Tomb Taker camp, brows were raised and sniggers smothered. The voyeurs struggled to maintain their focus and avoid disturbing their leader with their amusement. 

"And unlike our friend who once inhabited your body, I don't like to be watched," Caleb continued, "It has been a very long week, it has been very stressful, and I, for one, would like to be fucked until I can't see anymore, so please leave us the fuck alone for one gods-damned night and mind your own business."

Lucien's brows lifted in slight surprise before he straightened his posture and gave Caleb a quick once over with a smirk. An arrogant fool.

"Fair enough. Have fun." Lucien turned from the portal, satisfied with Caleb's tale.

Within the pocket dimension, Caleb shut him out quickly without reply and turned to his friends, the curtain hiding them already shimmering away. He already felt the embarrassment setting in as he examined the faces of his friends.

Fjord was so deeply flushed Caleb feared he might faint, whilst beside him, Beau struggled to suppress her wide grin under lightly pinked cheeks. Jester vibrated with silent, suppressed laughter and her hands clamped firmly over her mouth. Yasha was hard to read and Caduceus seemed as pleasantly amuused by their antics as always. Veth had the disturbing look of of a high-society mother who'd just come across the juiciest slice of gossip. There was only a second of silence before the Nein let their laughter break free.

"' _Fucked until you can't see?_ '" Beau said between bouts of her own loud, cackling laughter, and looking more mischievous than Caleb felt comfortable with, "I guess we better make sure you look the part in the morning to really sell the lie. Want me to kick you in the ass to make it look believable?"

Caleb's mind went blank.

_Ah_.

_Schiesse_.

A loud gasp from Jester startled him.

" _Oh my gosh,_ you guys, whose going to volunteer to give Caleb some hickeys?"

Caleb wondered if he should have just let Lucien dispel the tower, after all.


End file.
